College Life · Personal

“Tattooed Love Boys.”

A poem.

“You were the first to talk to me.

You were the first to add me on Facebook.

I knew you added me because you wanted something from me.

You messaged me first.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Casual opening line.

We send messages throughout the day.

You send subtle hints towards me.

“Going to the gym is a good work out, but I know a better way of losing fat.”

You think I’m naive.

You think I don’t know what you want from me.

You message me everyday until I tell you to come over.

You come over at 8 a.m.

You sneak in my room so you don’t wake up my roommates.

I play indie music so they don’t hear any noises.

You change the music to rap music.

“I’m from Flint. I grew up with this music.”

I liked the indie music better.

You take off your shirt. I see all the tattoos you hide under your work uniform.

“Fuck,” I think to myself. I love tattoos.

You get underneath my purple comforter. My heart beat increases. My anxiety levels shoot through the roof.

I lay next to you. Your arm is around me. I haven’t been this close to a man since “he who shall not be named” left.

My heart beat increases.

“How are you feeling?”
“Nervous.”

You lean in and kiss me. Tattoo Love Boy kisses me. It’s weird kissing a new boy.

Your hands slide down my body. I feel so in lust.

Things get hotter. Things get sweaty. Things happen so fast.

You’re done. I have to get to class at 11. Is there a quiz today?

You leave. We don’t talk on Facebook anymore. We only talk at work.

But you won’t come over anymore. You got what you wanted.

Tattooed Love Boys.”

 

College Life · Personal

Homesickness: it happens.

Homesickness: one of the biggest issues students face when going to college.

I moved out of my mothers house when I was 21, so I was a bit older than some kids who move out once they leave high school. I wanted to take a few years to save up and go to community college in town before I moved away on my own.

At first, I was very eager to leave home. I’d finally be independent and free to do as I please. I was independent when I was growing up, but not as much as I thought.

Living without parents has it’s perks; yes, you don’t have to worry about your mom bothering you about not cleaning your room. Yes, you can play your music as loud as you want. Yes, you can eat nothing but TV dinners. This is all quaint, but personally,  I still felt sad.

The day after my mom let me go, I was sad. I was sad all day, the next day, and the next week. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and watch Netflix all day. My new home didn’t even feel like a home. Home to me was back home with my mom. The independence was nice, but I missed the morning conversations my mom and I would have. I missed watching the local news with my mom and laughing when the news anchor messed up. I missed my mom’s perfect home cooked meals. I missed it all.

It’s been two months now. I’m not as sad as I was that day she left, but it bothers me time to time. I go on with my day and try not to let it bother me. I keep busy with studying and being involved in organizations on campus. It helps push the thoughts aside.

Moving out and leaving the nest is something most of us deal with in our life time. It’s easy for some people; not so easy for others. Most of us deal with the pain of homesickness; you’re not alone. In time, it will all be okay.

 

-ss

College Life · Personal

Why do we feel the need to be with someone?

I’ve been asking this question for years.

Ever since I was 16 years old, I always found myself in a relationship. I would date a guy, he would break up with me, and then a week or two later I would find myself in another relationship. It was like I didn’t know how to function on my own.

It wasn’t until I was 21 when I was finally single for a long period of time, and on my own. I quit my job, I moved three hours away from home, and I didn’t really have anyone there for me beside my mother. But, she was three hours away back home, so I was pretty much on my own.

It was hard at first, and it still is sometimes.

It seems that people feel the need to be in a relationship because people hate being lonely. You depend on yourself, and you only have yourself, which is hard to wrap your head around sometimes. Especially if you don’t have many friends at the moment, it seems like being single can be even harder at times. You don’t have people to go out with, get a drink with, to take things like this off your mind.

Recently, I’ve found that staying busy with school work or studying helps me take my mind off the loneliness. I’ve gotten involved in two groups here at Central, and it definitely takes up a lot of my time now. I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with loneliness but here’s my best advice I have for now:

  1. Read a book, graphic novel, etc.
  2. Studying extra hard for all your classes.
  3. Join a group or club on campus. Join two.
  4. Work extra hours, make some more money.
  5. Pick up a hobby or a craft that will take up lots of time.
  6. Take a walk. Maybe play some Pokemon Go again?
  7. Go on and adventure and take lots of pictures.
  8. Reconnect with a friend from high school.

Do you guys have any other tips with dealing with loneliness and being single? I’d love to hear them; drop some ideas in the comments.

-ss

College Life · Personal

Always love your mother, you never get another.

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My mother & I after Alpena Community College Graduation, Class of 2016.

Appreciate your mothers.

When I was a young, angsty teenager, I always thought my mother was the worst. She told me not to date certain guys, she told me not to go back to my ex, she told me not to dye my hair (God forbid!), and yet I still did all those things. I was always so angry though because she felt differently than I did about all of those times.

I would get angry; write long statuses on Facebook about how bad my life was because my mother disagreed with me. I’m glad those times are behind me.

But once, a Facebook friend commented on my status saying, “When you get older, you’ll realize you will always love your mother no matter what.” At the time, I thought this person was an idiot. Anyone who disagreed was an idiot.

Looking back, 4 years later, she was right.

I turned 18, and I slowly started growing out of my angsty age. I feel around this age is when I truly started to appreciate my mother, and I understood what my Facebook friend meant that day.

I appreciated my mother when she would help me with an adult task that I was unsure of. I appreciated my mother when she was there for me when I was sad. I appreciate my mother for taking me on adventures when I was lonely, or just plain bored. I appreciate her for life, feeding me, and raising me.

Now that I’m 21 and on my own, I realize even more so that a mother is so special, and you should appreciate her. Being away from mom is hard at first, but I’m hoping I will get over it soon.

I got a letter in the mail today from my mom, packed with coupons for my favorite places, stamps (because I need them!) and she even gave me a gift card for one of my favorite restaurants. Also, included a nice, heart-felt letter. I kept saying to myself, “My mother is a saint.” Little things like the letter, really make me realize how much I miss, and appreciate my mother dearly.

-ss